It's That Day Again

Let me just start out by saying, there's that matter of my health which is leaving me in a rather dark place at the moment and I don't really want to talk about it. Many people have called and sent messages checking on me, and I appreciate that so much. All those kind thoughts and prayers are keeping me afloat, along with my blissfully unaware children. I'll just say I don't know anything much about anything at this point.

On to other news...tomorrow is my 36th birthday. Which is totally surreal because I feel like I'm 18. More or less. I AM going to have a good day. It will be my mantra. 

I'm having a good day. I'm having a good day. I'm having a good day. SMILE!

The first step in having a good day when what you really want to do is crawl into a warm dark cave with a box of Godiva and a teddy bear (or a cuddly toddler) and stay there until the warmth of the summer sun mercifully shines from the sky, well the first step is to fake it. Smile and act happy and eventually you might actually be happy. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do, I'm actually sort of publicly talking to myself.

So anyway, I thought I would reminisce about random pleasant birthday memories to get me psyched up for tomorrow. 

When I was a little girl, every year my mom made me a heart shaped birthday cake. The earliest birthday I clearly remember I was 5 or 6. I got a Holly Hobby lunch box. My Aunt Char took me shopping for a new dress, which I absolutely loved and still have to this day. Bethany and Lucy have both worn it.  It has smocking and a lace collar and is so thin I had to wear a slip under it. Of course my girls do not own a slip nor do they probably even know what one is, and they've worn this dress with jeans because they're fashionable like that.  I remember my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all coming over for my birthday party every year and singing my family's special rendition of "Happy Birthday" which I've never heard at anyone's birthday parties outside of my family. It goes like this:

          Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you
          Happy Birthday dear Alysia, Happy Birthday to you
          May the Dear Lord bless you, may the Dear Lord bless you
          May the Dear Lord bless Alysia, may the Dear Lord bless you
          Stand up, stand up, stand up and tell us your age, your age
          Stand up, stand up, stand up and tell us your age

My 10th birthday was memorable because I had a slumber party with several of my friends and there were lots of pre-teen raging hormones resulting in tears, fights, and all kinds of drama. A boy from my class lived two doors down, and he had a slumber party the same night. At the beginning of the party, one of the boys brought a walkie talkie over for us girls, and we spent the whole night talking and giggling with the boys.

Then there was my 30th, which was memorable because Bethany, Connor, and I were all sick with some horribly nasty food poisoning or stomach bug and I'm pretty sure I've never thrown up so much in my life.  

I don't recall when I first started to not enjoy my birthday. Definitely sometime after my 10th and before my 30th. But I'm turning over a new leaf. Happy birthday to me. I will smile until I mean it.