Monday, April 11, 2011

Losing The Invisibility Cloak

I feel so happy sitting here in my family room with the windows open, the breeze fluttering the curtains and fooling me into thinking it's summer.

(Nice try Mother Nature, but anyone can access

Nonetheless, an 80 degree day was not a bad way to end Spring Break. 

We had a fun, low-key weekend. Saturday afternoon Chris was working on some music and Bethany was hanging out with him and they ended up recording something with her singing back-up vocals. She was so excited and Chris is just as proud as can be (as am I!). Chris put up a snippet on YouTube if you'd like to check it out.

My girls are so exuberant...lively...demanding...vocal...outspoken. And I love all those things about them. In contrast, Connor is...more like me. An introvert...quiet...unassuming...the complete opposite of demanding. Sometimes I worry about him. I remember feeling invisible as a child, and I didn't have three drama queens for sisters, constantly overshadowing me. Because I was quiet, everyone just assumed that I was fine, I didn't need anything, and I didn't have anything to say. The truth is that sometimes it's still like that. I'm generally fine listening and observing, and entering a conversation when I have something to contribute, but sometimes that feeling of invisibility still surfaces. And I don't ever want my son to feel like he's not heard or not noticed. I don't want him to feel that his sisters are loved and cared for more than he is just because they are louder and insist on so much attention. And because maybe he, like me, has a harder time vocalizing what's on his mind. I don't want him to miss out on chances to sing with his dad because he's too self-conscious to admit he wants to do it too. Although I actually have no idea if that is something Connor is interested in. My job is to consistently engage him in conversation, ask him questions, get him to tell us what is on his mind, what's bothering him, what he likes and doesn't like. It's sometimes a challenging job, and I can understand why lots of people wouldn't put that sort of effort in with me. But as Connor's mom, it is a job I cherish, and I am so glad I have that understanding of him that only someone so like him could have. I just hope he finds his own way to occasionally outshine his sisters.


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