Maybe you read this recent Huffington Post article by Glennon Melton that's been circulating the internet: Don't Carpe Diem. Go ahead and take a read if you haven't already. It's thought provoking, and judging by the comments, people really relate to it.
I enjoyed the article and I get it, to a point. Being a mom, I guess it would be impossible for me to not know that there are lots of challenging moments in the life of a parent. Some of those moments are very far from pleasurable, and I can't wait until they're over. Stepping in vomit at 7 a.m. when I go in my daughter's room to wake her up for school, and suddenly being slammed with the knowledge that I have a puker on my hands and endless loads of nasty laundry ahead of me. Not a fun moment that I'd like to draw out and re-live. Realizing half way through my grocery shopping that my toddler is really not going to stop screaming any time soon, and needing to continue anyway because my family has been living off slightly brown grapes and toaster waffles. There's a moment when a fast forward button would really come in handy. We all have our days when bedtime just cannot come soon enough. We all have our nights when we want to tell our kids, in the words of Adam Mansbach (but in the voice of Samuel L. Jackson), to "go the f*%! to sleep." I don't feel guilty for failing to find the joy in these tiresome parenting dilemmas. I strive for joyful living, but I'm not a sado masochist. Every minute of every day is definitely not worth seizing.
Believe me, I wear the painfully earned badge of Mommy Guilt. By how many actions and grievances have I done my offspring wrong? Let me count the ways. Never mind, we'd be here all night. But I don't berate myself for not loving the horrible moments: the temper tantrums, sassy outbursts, leaking diapers, and all the rest. Nor do I doubt that I've earned every little moment I can glean for myself; whether I've locked myself in the bathroom for two minutes of near peace and quiet, or removed myself from the premises for a few gluttonous hours with my girlfriends. I deserve those moments, even as imperfect as I am.
To me, Carpe Diem means make the most out of every day. Even the bad ones. It doesn't mean cherish the moment when my toddler just pooped her pants at the mall and, wouldn't you know it, I have no fresh diapers in my purse. And it certainly doesn't mean feel guilty if I can't find the joy in bumbling through a conversation with the preschool teacher in which she tells me that my child is trying to steal the dress-up shoes. Carpe Diem also doesn't mean cram every microsecond with "meaningful" and "worthwhile" activities in an effort to make every last moment memorable. Nor does it involve deluding myself into believing that my parenting journey is all gumdrops and lollipops, unicorns and rainbows. It does, however, mean look for the good, really look, because sometimes it's hard to find. It also means laugh when you feel like crying, because laughter has the potential to drastically change your perspective. It means treasure the journey, because isn't that what life is all about? And it means slow down, breathe deep, feel with great intensity, and love with wild abandon.
The thing is, I'm already like one of those old biddies at the grocery store. I've been a parent for just 10 short years, and the speed at which childhood races by already pains me. My best advice to new parents? Enjoy. The time goes by like you have no idea. Don't rush. Take time for yourself. And yes, by all means, Carpe Diem.
1 comment:
Well said! Bravo. I have a print by Rodney White in my kitchen that reads, "We seek happiness when happiness is actually a choice." That was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I've learned it. (The best part about outrageous tantrums: Remembering there's a story there and then writing it down.)
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