9 Things I'd Tell My Tween Self

Dear Tween Me,

Those of us who survived the tween years know that they're no picnic. If we haven't totally blocked this whole awkward stage out of our minds, that is. I know you probably won't listen, but if you would, just for a minute, try to pay attention to your older and wiser self, I think you could learn a thing or two.

1. Everyone has a struggle. I know you think the grass is always greener. Things are easier for other people. Homework. Friends. Family life. Hair. Fashion. Gym class. But appearances can be deceiving. This is something you'll want to remember your whole life, and best start now. No matter how awesomely perfect you think that super popular girl's life is, you truly have no idea what kind of things she's dealing with in her personal life. 
2. Be thankful. You're rolling your eyes, I know you are. But I can save you a whole lot of trouble if you just heed this advice now. Many adults never even figure it out, but it's one of the most important life skills you can learn. Being happy is way better than being crabby, melancholy, depressed, jealous, and, well, unhappy. And being a happy person begins with gratitude. Trust me, you have a lot to be grateful for. Never, for one minute, forget that.
3. People are focused on themselves. You think the world is silently ridiculing you for wearing that jacket from last season, or because you have a little blemish on your forehead or because you lost the battle with the curling iron this morning. Relax. I get that kids your age can be jerks in a major way, but I promise you that no one is as hyper-focused on you as you are. They are too busy thinking about themselves, and being embarrassed because they don't have the "right" shoes or because their parents won't let them wear make-up yet.
4. Practice the Golden Rule. Again with the eye rolling. But think about it. Treat others as you would like to be treated. It's simple. It makes sense. Just do it. When you're tempted to join your buddies in being snarky about a classmate, think for a second how you would feel if someone talked to or about you like that. Suddenly it won't seem so funny anymore.
5. Keep a journal. There are a couple reasons for this little piece of advice. First of all, you think now that you will always remember the wonderful details of your youth. But memories fade. You will forget so much. Secondly, writing is cathartic. When you're feeling confused, sad, overwhelmed, or angry, write it out. It releases negativity and helps you sort things out in your mind. In other words, you'll feel better. Plus you'll be writing so much in high school and college, you might as well get in as much practice as you can now.
6. Be yourself. The temptation is great to fit in at any cost. You might not believe me right now, but standing out is a much better option. I know that there is a part of you that just doesn't want to be noticed right now. Or that only wants to be noticed as part of a group. But pretending to be someone you're not isn't the answer. Like what you like. Listen to the music you enjoy. Wear the clothes that make you feel good. Pursue the hobbies that interest you. People will still like you. If they don't, they can kiss off. Don't waste your energy on them. 
7. Your friends all shop at Kmart. I know how mortified you are every time your mom or grandma take you to Kmart. You are terrified that someone will see you walking in the store and tell everyone at school that you're a Blue Light shopper. But (considering that there was no Target back then) where else do you think people get their school supplies, toilet paper, and shampoo? They go to Kmart. They really do. 
8. Enjoy being the age you are right now. You want to grow up. You want to be independent and free. You'll get there, don't worry. In the meantime, thank your mother for doing your laundry, cooking your dinner, and giving you lunch money. Because when you're grown up, she won't do those things anymore. Your job right now is to be a kid, and that's not a bad job, so don't get too far ahead of yourself. 
9. Don't be afraid. You are frozen by fear of failure and embarrassment.  You are terrified of the unknown. Failing is okay. Everyone does it. You'll get over it and be better off for trying. There are worse things than being embarrassed for a minute. Learn to laugh at yourself, and keep in mind #3. The world is full of unknowns, and the fun of life is turning as many of them into knowns as you possibly can. 

Sincerely, 

38-year old me, who still has a lot to learn

Review: BYOU Magazine

Being a young girl has always been difficult, but I think it is getting harder by the day. The expectations, the peer pressure, the mean girl factor, media portrayals, perfection obsessions, and more are contributing to making girls feel inadequate and insecure.

I see it in my own beautiful daughter, and it makes me so sad. I have tried since she was born to build her up and make her feel strong, smart, and comfortable in her own skin. Yet when I took her to the doctor the other day and the nurse weighed her, Bethany was horrified at the number on the scale. Why? I'm not sure, but it seems that she has an idea that her weight should be under a certain number. My daughter is made of muscle; slender, strong, and with envy-worthy washboard abs. There is literally not an ounce of pudge on her. And even with the perfect body she has been blessed with, she is insecure and has body image issues. What of the little girls her age who still have lingering baby fat, or who are gaining weight faster than height as they go through puberty? What of the underweight, skinny ones, with knobby knees and bony shoulders? They are no less beautiful and perfect in their own right. But we females are somehow brought up to believe that we are never quite enough.

And it certainly doesn't end with our physical attributes. Our choices are questioned, even well into adulthood. Stay-at-home mom? You don't "really" work. Working mother? You should be home with your children. We can't win. So often, we are not taken seriously, and it's not just the men who are doing it to us. Women are the worst critics of other women. Instead of supporting one another, we judge. We wage unnecessary and frivolous wars over things that shouldn't matter. I'm not talking about battle grounds in faraway countries. I'm talking about school yards and social media, text messages and PTC meetings. We're not nice to each other, and it starts young.

Bethany has had girls who are barely acquaintances freely approach her at school to let her know they don't approve of her outfit or how she did her hair that day. I know some people take pride in their frank, unfiltered honesty. But I don't think any good ever came out of insulting someone under the guise of righteous honesty. If your words are going to hurt someone without helping them, bite your tongue!

Positivity is something that is sadly lacking for young girls these days. We need more media and support to make them feel good about themselves, so that they can carry that self-confidence into adulthood and spread it to other women and to their own children. They need to be made to feel that their ideas are important, and that they matter.

As a mom of three daughters, I am passionate about nurturing the self esteem and confidence of young girls. So when I was given the opportunity to review BYOU Magazine, a magazine geared toward 8-14 year old girls, I was really excited by what I saw. I read stories about fulfilling our dreams, making goals, starting small businesses, and embracing our own unique traits. Full of practical advice, good role models, fun ideas, and empowering information, reading BYOU was a definite breath of fresh air. I am so happy to see that something of this quality is being published for young girls, and I hope that it continues to gain popularity so that its positive message will spread.

BYOU (Be Your Own You) Magazine is published bi-monthly and available for purchase at thousands of book stores across the U.S. and Canada, as well as online (cover price: $3.95). Subscriptions are available for just $17.97. Some regular features include:

• Celebrity Interviews, with a strong emphasis on positive role models.
• Girls Making a Difference, both celebrities and "real" girls are highlighted for their community efforts
• Self Esteem Education and Information, including common issues like friendship problems and bullying
• What It Means To Me To Be Your Own You, featuring real girls sharing self esteem tips and thoughts on what it means to be your own person
• BFF Column From A&A, Allisyn Arm and Audrey Whitby, stars of Disney's "So Random", give friendship advice
• Shining Your Heartlight Bright, with age-appropriate beauty tips - inner and outer beauty; also featuring real girls
• B-On Location With BYOU, invite BYOU to photograph what real girls are doing to be true to themselves in their communities
• B-Smart, offers a chance for readers to exercise their brains with fun games and puzzles because it is cool to be smart!
• B-Silly, encouraging girls to have fun without being self-conscious and overly concerned about what others think

I love the positive, empowering messages throughout BYOU Magazine. I love the strong emphasis on "real" girls, and the great things they are doing. I love that everything in the magazine is age appropriate, and there is no questionable content. The whole magazine is designed to make girls feel good about themselves, in a genuine, un-superficial way. 

If you are the parent of a daughter between the ages of 8-14, I strongly encourage you to check out BYOU Magazine. It's spreading the kind of messages that our girls need to hear and believe!

To order BYOU Magazine, please click HERE.

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I was provided with an issue of BYOU Magazine for review purposes. All opinions are my own.

Facebook for the Tween Crowd?

Have you heard the rumors that Facebook is considering allowing accounts for kids under 13? Bethany has been bugging us for YEARS for a Facebook account, and it's true that many of her friends are already there. So far we have resisted. Our arguments against her being on Facebook have been that 1)It's against the rules, and 2) She spends enough time online and texting to begin with, and doesn't need another excuse to spend even more time tethered to an electronic device.

What Facebook is proposing, so I hear, is connecting the accounts of kids under 13 to their parents' Facebook accounts. Presumably that would make it easier for parents to monitor what their kids are doing online. I'm sure Bethany will get wind of this, and then it will be time for yet another Facebook discussion. Otherwise known as Bethany begging and pleading and telling us that EVERYONE is on Facebook.

I'm not sure yet how I feel about this. I still think she spends more than enough time plugged in. But I would be more willing to allow her to have an account if the Facebook rules change AND her account is connected to mine. I would have to have full access to her account, no exceptions. Following is an informative infographic put together by uKnowKids, where you can go to monitor your child's online presence - include social networking, photos, and smartphones. I've not signed up with uKnowKids, but according to their homepage, it is FREE.

What do you think? Do you allow your child under the age of 13 to have a Facebook account? If so, do you specific rules regarding their account? Or if you haven't let your kids on Facebook yet, would it change your mind if Facebook changed its rules?

Also, feel free to share this infographic on your own blog by copying and pasting the code below!