Good Night, Sleep Tight

I was caught off guard.

Exactly when and how it happened, I'm not sure. It was while I was busy taxiing and soothing, fixing endless snacks and hoarding sleep by the minute. In the midst of the chaos of the past few months (which is really no different than any other period of our lives), Bethany and Connor started putting themselves to bed. Before that, I always, always, went in each of their rooms and "tucked them in" every single night. And then one night they stopped asking. I was probably busy, and they told me they were going up to bed and said good night. We always said our good nights upstairs, in, their bedrooms, but I figured it was a one time thing. They saw that I was in the middle of something and decided not to make a big deal out of it. I was probably grateful, because, to be honest, there were times when I was slightly peeved to stop what I was doing to do our nightly tuck in routine. By bedtime I am so tired, and still have much to do before I can call it a night.

But then it continued, night after night. My evenings got a little easier and I was mostly relieved. I don't really know why or how it happened, if they got together and discussed it and decided they are now old enough to go to bed on their own. There have even been a few times when one of them will go up to bed and forget to find me to say good night first. And then I go to them, because okay, fine, they can put themselves to bed. But not without a "good night" and an "I love you" and even a "sweet dreams." Also, preferably, not without a hug and a kiss. That's how I want our nights to end, no matter how grown up they get.

When you have little kids, it's hard to imagine a moment like this ever happening. It's hard to imagine freedom and independence. And then when it happens, it's sort of anti-climatic. I feel a little like I'm waving my arms and saying, "No, no, no! I'm not ready for this yet!" What stops me from totally losing it, for now, is that I do still have little kids too, so my tucking in days are far from over.

It's kind of like I have two sets of kids: Bethany & Connor, and Lucy & Mattie. Bethany and Connor are growing up. In some ways it's nice, but in some ways I don't like it. The time has gone by SO FAST. Too fast. They each only have about an inch or two to grow before they catch up with me, and then it will be little more than a hot minute before they pass me right up on the growth chart. I have to say, it makes me feel a little sick. Even though I have two more to go, I know the time will fly with them as well. Pretty soon my kids will barely need me. That's a scary thought, and also a liberating thought. Who am I if I'm not on mom duty 24/7, if I'm not consistently needed around the clock?

This is a milestone school year for us. When it's over, our youngest will be leaving preschool, and our son will be leaving elementary school. I'm pressing on the brakes as hard as I can, but the gears are spinning out of control.

November Thankful #14

In honor of Thanksgiving, I'm doing daily thankful posts. I'd love it if you'd join me by commenting here or on MichiGal's Facebook page.

November 14

Today I'm...exhausted and have a horrible cough and a pounding headache, and I'm having a little trouble finding my gratitude groove. It's still there, I just have to concentrate and dig deeper.

So, let me start over. Today I am thankful for my bed. It's a hand-me-down Queen that once served as the mattress in my in-law's guest bedroom. When we first got it a few years ago, it felt huge. Probably because it was replacing our old Double. Now I have to wonder: how the heck did we ever sleep on that miniscule mattress? Because the Queen has felt positively confining for awhile now. A Double? Really???

But I'm not complaining, because I am right at this minute looking very forward to crawling under the covers on that too-small bed of mine. As soon as Bethany and Connor go to bed, and I finish with one last load of laundry, and take a shower and dry my hair and get clothes ready for the morning for the little girls and myself. I was ready for this day to end about two hours ago, and now it's getting blissfully close. I won't have any trouble sticking to my bedtime tonight.

What about you? What are you thankful for today?

November Thankful #12

In honor of Thanksgiving, I'm doing daily thankful posts. I'd love it if you'd join me by commenting here or on MichiGal's Facebook page.

November 12

Today I am thankful for bedtimes. Bedtimes for kids are wonderful godsends. For years Bethany and Connor had a strict 7:30 bedtime, and it was bliss. I did my grocery shopping, working out, socializing, laundry, and so much more after they were in bed. And since they went to bed so early, I got a fairly early start on my evening activities. I would read to them, give them their lovies (baby doll for Bethany, cloth diaper for Connor), start some music, and put them to bed. They were both thumb suckers too, which was a bad habit but it helped them sleep.

Then came Lucy and that strict bedtime routine went out the window. Lucy just wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her or nursing her. Bethany and Connor still had a bedtime, but being busy with Lucy, I somehow allowed it to inch its way to 8:00 and beyond. The way I finally got Lucy to sleep through the night in her own bed was by putting a movie on for her. She was 18 months old, I was desperate. She's now 5 and still needs a movie on to get to sleep. But I digress.

Since Lucy was just never as good a sleeper as Bethany and Connor, we never had a strict bedtime for her. She often stayed up way later than them, and we were just relieved that she would sleep in her own bed at all. Our bedtime standards plummeted, in other words. 

When Mathilda came along, she was just as bad as Lucy. A few months after she was born, Lucy started preschool, so in order for her to get adequate sleep we had to get kind of rigid with her bedtime too. So then we had three kids on a pretty regular bedtime. 

Mathilda held out as long as she could, but finally she gave in and started sleeping in her own bed every night, all night long. But, once again we were very lenient and took anything she dished out because it had been a looooooong 18 months, and we were tired.

But now, now we are golden. When Lucy started kindergarten a few months ago, we knew she was going to need a lot of sleep. We explained to her that if she still wants a movie on at bedtime, then she'll need to be in bed by 7:30. (Of course she agreed, and she's typically out within 5-10 minutes). And we figured it was time to get Mathilda on a routine too. So Lucy and Mathilda go to bed at 7:30 every night. They sleep together in Lucy's bed. Mathilda's crib is still set up, but it's been weeks since she's slept in it. The plan is to get bunk beds eventually. But for now, the two of them are just happier snuggling up in one bed. It works, so why not? Bethany and Connor stay up until 9:00. We get a little time together without the loud little sisters, and lately we've been huddling up under a blanket on the couch and watching Punky Brewster together.

So yes, bedtimes for kids are wonderful things. But they're good for grown ups too. I've recently given myself a bedtime, or maybe bedtime range is more accurate. I tend to stay up pretty late because I relish the quiet house. I catch up on my blogging, loading the dishwasher, doing laundry, and occasionally watching television. And then I'm dragging the next day, and the cycle continues. I look tired and old. Then I found out that not getting enough sleep lowers your metabolism, and that was it. I knew I had to do something. So my new goal is to be in bed between 11:30 and 1:00 a.m. every night. I've been doing pretty good, and I hope to stick with it. 

Do you and your kids have bedtimes?