Evolving Motherhood

My youngest little duckling went off to her second year of preschool this week. It hit me the other day that on her next birthday she'll be five. That's so...Big Kid. I won't have any little kids anymore. Crazy.

I love this age. I love our Mattie and Mama time when the big kids are at school. Mattie is at her sweetest and best when it's just the two of us. Oh I'm going to miss it!

I do realize that I have a whole year left, and there is no need to get ahead of myself. I want nothing more than to savor this last year of preschool magic, because when it's over life is going to be considerably different. I'm going to be so lonely, I know it already. My little buddy will be transformed into a big school girl. Gone will be our afternoons of cuddling on the couch, story time at the library, running errands together, going to the park. I feel so blessed to have had this special time with each of my kids. While I've always loved it, I admit that at times I took it for granted, or was too busy to notice, being too inundated with mothering little ones to think much about the fact that at some point it had to come to an end. And now I actually see the end of the road. It ends at an elementary school about a mile from my house, with Mathilda walking into her Kindergarten classroom.

Unfortunately, the school year has been off to a rough and stressful start in many regards. The sad truth is that I'm already fast forwarding to next summer in my mind. I'm wishing to be done with this crazy year, and it's barely started. I don't ever like to wish days away, so I'm trying to keep calm and carry on. I want to savor it. The preschool field trips and play dates, the working days*, the lunch dates for two. When it's done, it's done. The only real choice is to enjoy it all now while I can.

Keep calm. Carry on. Deep breaths. Slow down. Stop and smell the roses. And so on and so forth. I'm trying here people.

Mathilda has one more year to lay around in her pajamas, something she particularly relishes. She has one more year with sole control over the television between the hours of 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. One more year that she doesn't have to share me with her siblings during these same hours. For the next year she can continue to eat breakfast and lunch when she feels like it, and request a story and a cuddle anytime. After 12 years of mothering little kids, it's kind of impossible to fathom that we're coming to the end of the road.

My role is evolving.

Oh the time, how it flies. 

*Mathilda goes to a co-op preschool, which means that all the parents take turns working in the classroom.

It's Just the Kind of Mom I Am

The day after Lucy's preschool graduation, her school had a picnic at a nearby park, an annual tradition for the school. I've been to five of them so far. We've been experiencing a monsoon season here in Michigan, so up until 45 minutes before the picnic started I was unsure whether it was still on. Mathilda was crabby and I was tired and it was wet outside and looked like it was about to pour, so I was kind of thinking the picnic would be canceled. In other words, I was not getting us ready like I should have been. I hadn't made lunches, no one was fully dressed or ready. Then I got the call that it was indeed still happening. Soon it became apparent that we were going to be dreadfully late for the picnic. So late, actually, that I thought we might very well end up missing the whole thing. In typical me fashion I asked Lucy, "would you like to do something else instead?" And she is such a good sport that she said, "sure mom, let's do something else!" Plus I think this was sort of my way of avoiding those depressing last good-bye's. Because that's just how I am.

We finished getting ready and making lunches and I thought we'd just head for a park closer to home. Then when we got in the car I made a spontaneous decision to go to the Detroit Zoo instead, since I have a membership which is about to expire next month and I like to get a lot of use out of those things to make them super worth the money. Never mind that I personally didn't buy it, but whatever. It started ever so slightly drizzling on the way there, and my heart sang when we pulled into the parking lot and saw people exiting the zoo in droves because large crowds really put a damper on the zoo for me.

See? No crowds!

It was really barely raining, but we stuck to the indoor exhibits anyway. The best thing about having a zoo membership is that there's no pressure to see every single thing because you just spent a million dollars in admission and parking. So I didn't care one bit that we only saw the amphibians and the reptiles. We just took our time, and ate our lunch on a bench under a tree and saw some frogs and snakes and lizards and stuff. I'm a total dork so I was thrilled when in the rain forest exhibit we saw the sloth so up close that I could have touched it. Well we saw it's foot anyway, and I wouldn't have really touched it. Even if that zoo docent hadn't been standing right by us when we saw it. Still, really cool.


Just as we were getting ready to head back to the van, it really started pouring. We were fairly well-equipped in that we had hoods, umbrellas, and the girls had rain boots. But Mathilda kicked hers off so she rode in the stroller barefoot, covered in a blanket and with an extra jacket of mine draped over the hood of the stroller to keep the rain off of her. And then we walked to the exit at Lucy pace, which is to say the pace of a 4-year old who loves being outside in the rain, stomping in puddles, twirling her Hello Kitty umbrella, and in this particular instance, belting out It's Raining Men, which I'm pretty sure she learned from that Wii game, Just Dance. (If that song is not in that game then I am at a total loss as to where she ever heard it.) It wasn't terribly cold and Lucy was so very happy, I didn't mind one bit being stuck out in the pouring rain. Well not much anyway. I may have encouraged her to put some gas in it once or twice, but jeez! I was carrying Bethany's child-sized Degas ballerina umbrella, so it wasn't exactly keeping me toasty dry. 

Luckily I'm okay with occasionally missing a school event, walking through the zoo on a rainy day, and letting my kids play in the rain, because it was a good day even though it very well could have ended up being a pretty bad day at more than one juncture. Lucy said she didn't mind missing the picnic because she can invite her friends over anytime, which is true. But my days of being able to go to the zoo on a weekday afternoon with just Lucy and Mathilda are pretty much over. Next year it will be just Mathilda and me...and that will be fun too, in its own different way.

 

Not exactly thrilled to be posing for pictures after about a gazillion blurry shots didn't turn out

Time and Tide Wait for No Preschooler

This has been a monumental week for my growing babies. First Mathilda turned two, and now Lucy is a preschool graduate.Wow. I wish someone could explain to me the physics of how time moves more quickly once one becomes a parent. Because maybe then I could figure out the secret to slowing it down. That old saying "time and tide wait for no man" is the fabric of my life. Whenever I think, "wow that school year sure flew by," or "Christmas already?" or "I can't believe my baby just turned ___," I always think of this phrase. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding onto a kite string in a wind storm and it's slipping out of my hands uncontrollably. I do my best to embrace change, but I would at times like to hit the slow motion button on the remote control of life.
 
Lucy's last regular day of preschool was Monday, and when she came home she told me she "almost cried". She had a great group of kids in her class, and they're all going off to different schools in the fall and Lucy might never see any of them again. I'm pretty sure she hasn't grasped that yet, but I have and it makes me sad. Those kids have a great group of moms, and I might not see most of them again either. Unfortunately we can't stay in the sweet, simple world of preschool forever. And I have Mathilda's preschool years to look forward to.

I celebrated Lucy's big day by letting Bethany and Connor play hooky from school so they could attend the graduation. Afterward we went to the library and hung out for a couple hours, one of their favorite things to do. And I even bought them lunch at the library's cafe, something they ask for all the time and I always say "no". Lucy fell asleep in the car on the way home. She is still a baby after all. Breathe. Kiss her cheeks. Embrace the moment.

All 3 of my preschool graduates with their teachers

Connor is reliving his happy days of yore

At one point Mathilda disappeared and this is where we found her

Lucy's favorite thing to do at preschool

Bethany loved being chased by a bunch of preschoolers

I repeatedly tried to get a picture of the sisters in the matching dresses, but Mathilda was not having it. In this shot she is pushing Lucy away from her. She only wanted to drive around in the red car without anyone getting in her way.

Feet Firmly Planted In The Here And Now

Sometimes I feel like I live for summertime. It's like the whole year is just divided into waiting for summer to get here, and summer itself. Maybe if you've read any of my other posts, you might have gotten the idea that I'm not such a big fan of the cold. Cold weather depresses me, fills me with lethargy, makes me want to never leave the house. But that is not the only reason I so look forward to summertime. I crave the freedom to do whatever I want with my kids day after day after wonderful day. Sleeping in late, meeting friends at the park, trips Up North, going swimming...I love every second of it. This is sort of a problem for me and I'm working on it. I mean, I need to spend more time embracing the "now" instead of anticipating summer. I'm improving, but just right now, at the moment, I'm really looking forward to the break. Probably just because we've been having such a great Spring Break, and I'm getting sad about the kids going back to school on Monday. Deep breath. Live in the moment. Carry on. 

Yesterday we met friends at McDonald's to play and have ice cream sundaes. The best part was (well other than seeing my friends...) watching my big kids playing with Mathilda and taking her into the play structure with them, and boy Mathilda was having a crazy good time. Then Connor and Bethany went off to sleepovers and I tried to convince Lucy to have movie time with me and watch Tangled but that little stinker was not interested.

This morning Lucy had a field trip at a local Chinese restaurant where the preschoolers got to learn how to count in Chinese, make wontons, and eat chicken tenders and fries (???) while the parents sat at separate tables, had adult conversation and actually ate Chinese food (at a Chinese restaurant? go figure!). Bethany and Connor went on the same field trip when they were in 4-year old preschool. I think the best part for the kids was running around the restaurant as much as they wanted because it was not yet opened for business for the day.  When it was over I picked Bethany & Connor up from their friends' houses and we went to my mother-in-law's (where Mathilda was during the field trip) and all of the kids got to see their grandpa who has been out of town working for the past couple months. It was a happy, tickly, giggle-ish reunion. Yes I'm making up words here, but please just go with it.

Then Connor got invited to another sleepover, and I had to say yes because he has been the best sport about spending pretty much every minute of his Spring Break surrounded by girls. And then Lucy and Bethany were invited to play at a friends' house, so Chris and I dropped them off and went to dinner with Mathilda at Achatz Burgers, where we ate greasy but yummy burgers and fries and laughed at Mathilda's silliness without any other kids around to distract us from paying her our full attention. We went for a drive and looked at beautiful old houses in Mt. Clemens, the kind of houses I dream of living in someday because I love big old houses full of unique little quirks and nooks and crannies. I dropped Chris off at home and went to pick the girls up, and ended up staying there forever chatting with my friend while the kids played for "just one more minute" and it was really a lovely evening. We got home and the girls and I decided to pile into Connor's room (I think because he has bunk beds...although all 4 of us ended up on the bottom bunk) and watch Tangled together. Bethany was asleep within 5 minutes, and Lucy followed suit about 5 minutes later. Mathilda, however, stayed awake and watched the entire thing with me. I love that movie! 

The best part of the whole day was a late night text from my friend with some really fabulous news that she had been hoping and praying to hear but didn't think she would for quite awhile. I am so happy for her and her family. Good things do happen to good people.  Perfect ending to a perfect day.

Preschool Is Preposterous

Just kidding, I love preschool. Yesterday was "P" day, and also my working day at the cooperative preschool Lucy attends. And it's fun to think of "P" words all day long. Even though it's now the next day but whatever.

When it was time to clean up and get ready for lunch time at preschool yesterday, one child did not take kindly to my helpfulness in the matter of putting away the giant waffle blocks. This child (whose name and gender shall remain anonymous) rushed me, and commenced to beat me with little fists, kick me, and violently climb up my body while frantically hanging on to me. 

Whoa there little cowboy/cowgirl. Where's the love?

This is my sixth year being involved in a cooperative preschool, which means working in the classroom alongside the teachers at least once a month. I have never had a child attack me, especially not an almost 5-year old child who maybe should be well past the age of violent temper tantrums.

My instinct...well my instinct was to think, "thank GOD my kids never behave like this."  And boy is that dangerous territory.  I had to hurry up and get that thought right out of my mind lest my own 4-year old suddenly develop a bad habit of beating her parents or random strangers into submission. Because that's how the universe works.

Oh my GOD. I can't believe his parents let him use a pacifier. He's like 3 years old!

Enter the child who sucks her thumb until she is 6.

Co-sleeping is dangerous! Those idiots will be sorry when they suffocate their poor, innocent infant who should be safely sleeping in his own crib!

Enter the baby who will only sleep while being held, and believe me, there is only so much sleep one can endure while sitting up. Furthermore, there is only so much sleep-deprivation one person can tolerate. And for some of us, that might not be very much at all.

Judging our fellow parents can easily become an ugly habit. Maybe that kid you saw at the grocery store this morning had a filthy dirty face because his mother woke up late and had to feed him a chocolate Poptart for breakfast, in the car on the way to dropping her other kids off at school, because there was nothing else to eat in the house, and then when they got in the grocery store (because there was nothing to eat in the house, are you following?) she fittingly realized that she did not have any wipes or a single tissue with which to clean her child's face. 

But why would she wait until there's nothing to eat before going to the grocery store? Doesn't she plan for these things? Maybe her husband's paycheck came late, or maybe the whole family was down and out with a nasty stomach bug all weekend. Or a millions other things, it really doesn't matter.

But chocolate Poptarts? Who would feed their children such absolute garbage? Maybe a well-intentioned grandparent brought them over for a treat. Or maybe it's just a family who eats Poptarts, okay? Who cares? 

Well alright, but couldn't she have just taken him home to wash his face once she realized how filthy he was? How long could it take to get him out of the cart, put him back in the car seat, drive home, take him out of the car seat, bring him in the house, wash his face, get him back in the car seat, drive back to the store, get him out of the car seat, and put him back in the cart? Do you even have kids?

My own kids have done their best to embarrass me plenty of times. Don't all kids? And because I know I sometimes might have a snarky thought cross my mind when I see someone else's kid behaving poorly, I cringe all the more the one time my oldest decides to start crying at the store because I won't buy her something she wants. I know I'm being judged. My parenting skills are in question, my character, the character of my child, our family values. 

So that child who attacked me...well maybe he or she was having a really bad day for some reason. Maybe his or her dad was out of town for work and he or she was really missing him. Or maybe that little boy or girl was coming down with a cold, or didn't get enough sleep the night before.  Or whatever. 

No kid is perfect, no parent is perfect, and there is no one perfect way to raise a child to ensure perfection. Sometimes we do the very best we can, and still our children misbehave or do things we really wish they wouldn't do.  Despite our best efforts, they might lose their homework or spill juice on it. They might say something rude to somebody. They are their own people, after all. They don't follow scripts that we carefully prepare for them. Sometimes we might wake up late and not have time to brush their hair. Sometimes we might not notice that their shoes don't match until we're half way through the mall. The end result that everyone sees and judges is a conglomeration of so many things. Things that the person judging usually has no way of knowing.

When I realize these judgments are cropping up into my consciousness, I do my best to nip them in the bud a.s.a.p. Because it's true what they say about walking a mile in another man's shoes. Being helpful, kind, and understanding might take a little more effort. But it's effort well spent.