When baby #3 arrived, one week after my eldest started kindergarten, and one day before my son started preschool, I was still a stay-at-home mom. But now I had school aged kids, which meant my third child had to adjust to our new schedule of driving back and forth all day. Naps happened in the car and were often interrupted. I had to make sure the big kids got plenty of sleep so they'd be well rested for school, so I did anything to keep the baby quiet at night. Translation: while Bethany and Connor never slept with Chris and I as infants, Lucy slept with us most nights until she was about 18 months old. Life was even crazier by the time baby #4 came along, and the same patterns ensued. I vaguely recall hazy, sleep-deprived memories of utter exhaustion. We were overwhelmed with sleep issues, but somehow managed to get through to the other side semi intact.
How I wish I had had The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep, Simple Solutions for Kids from Birth to 5 Years, by New York Times bestselling author Harvey Karp, M.D. You're probably heard of or read his other works, The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block. His latest guide serves as an instruction manual for sleep-deprived parents everywhere.
This book would have helped us so much back then! But the good news is that it can still help us now. It is full of practical, easy to implement tips for creating a healthy sleeping environment for kids up to age 5. Actually, many of the ideas in this book can be used beyond the fifth birthday.
The book is set up into three sections; Part 1 covers birth to three months, Part 2 covers three to 12 months, and part 3 covers one to five years. There is also a section that goes over napping and special situations, such as travel and illness.
My youngest is one month away from turning four years old, and we still experience frequent sleep issues with her. I skipped right to Part 3 of the book, which deals with the toddler and preschool years. I have found that the ideas and tips are great for gentle behavioral modification and not just bedtime. Lack of sleep tends to do some not so pleasant things to us parents, like shorten our fuses considerably, so it's nice to feel like I have an arsenal of easy to use tools at my disposal for those times when it feels like we are heading downhill fast.
What I read focused quite a bit on preparing for bedtime all day long. Creating a happy daytime environment and deliberately switching gears well before bedtime helps set the stage for a successful night of sleep. Starting the process of calming down and quieting the household ahead of time helps kids to wind down naturally.
Some of the tips I love are patience-stretching, speaking toddler-ese, and gossiping. I have been utilizing all of these and having some good results both with bedtime as well as power struggles throughout the day.
Patience-stretching involves training kids to wait for things by making up excuses when they ask for something. For example, if they would like a drink of water at bedtime, tell them yes, but then pretend to have something to do that requires them to wait just a short time - you can even start with a few seconds and work your way up. With four kids, my offspring have a lot of practice with this since I can't be in four rooms at the same time! When you do what you say you'll do - come back with a cup of water, for example, they learn that they can count on you and that they are capable of waiting or soothing themselves. Practice this during the day and they'll be used to it at bedtime, eventually putting themselves back to sleep while they are patiently waiting for you to return.
Mathilda is no longer a toddler, but she does have a hot little temper. I've been using toddler-ese with her to help calm her down during the day when she gets out of control (usually involving a power struggle over getting dressed or what she is wearing). What this means is mirroring her emotions at her level. I learned this in peer education counseling in high school, but it won't do much good to tell my three year old, "It sounds like you are frustrated because you can't wear a bathing suit to school today" when she is in the midst of a highly emotional outburst. Instead, I break it down into a short and simple statement and repeat it to her several time, so she understands that I empathize with her. I might say something like, "Mathilda is sad, so, so sad" if she is crying uncontrollably. Discounting her feelings won't help in times like this (for example, saying "it's okay" - clearly it is NOT okay to her!), but once she hears that I get where she's coming from, she starts to calm down and become rational enough to talk to about the situation at hand.
Gossiping is a fun little trick that lets kids overhear what you have to say about them. Because they are eavesdropping, they are convinced that what you say is true. You could actually call grandma or some other special person and tell her all about the wonderful thing your child did (used the potty, got ready for school without a hassle, etc.), making sure that your child is within listening distance. Or you could simply have a little chat with a favorite doll or stuffed animal. I actually try to do this with all of my kids. With Mathilda, I've even used gossiping when she is having undesirable behavior ("Teddy, I'm so sad that Mattie isn't listening. It's so much more fun when she listens nicely!").
Toddler-ese and gossiping can be used throughout the day to set the stage for a pleasant bedtime, and they can also be used when problems crop up when it's time for bed or during the night.
These are just a few of my favorite tips in The Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep. There are many more where those came from! If you are the parent or parent-to-be of a child up to age five, I can't recommend this book enough. It is a must-have addition to your home library. Even if your kids are older than five and you're dealing with sleep or behavioral issues, this guide would still be quite useful. It would also make a terrific gift for a baby shower or for new parents.
THE HAPPIEST BABY GUIDE TO GREAT SLEEP: Simple Solutions for Kids from Birth to 5 Years (William Morrow Paperback; $15.99; ISBN: 9780062113320 was released on March 19, 2013. For more information, visit The Happiest Baby website. To read more about Dr. Karp, check out his bio.
Have you read any of Dr. Karp's books? What is your favorite tip that you've learned from him?
I received a complimentary copy of The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep from Harper Collins for review purposes, via One2One Network. All opinions are my own. My participation in this campaign enters me into a drawing to win a gift card.
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