Bethany is 12

Twelve years ago, I became a mother. I remember the day well. My doctor called in the morning with some test results, and told me to get to the hospital so I could be induced. I remember laying in bed when the phone rang, and being a little shocked at the news. It was just one day before my due date, but still, this was it! The scary moment I'd been anticipating and dreading had arrived. I was terrified and excited in almost equal measure. Things weren't happening as I'd read in my books. There were no contractions, my water didn't break. Just a phone call telling us that it was time, that our baby would be there that day.

Meeting Bethany was an overwhelmingly joyous occasion. How to even begin to describe it to someone who has not experienced becoming a parent? The world was one way, and now it is another. Suddenly the old way is forgotten. There is just this tiny baby, with red hair (I had so hoped for red hair!), who was living inside my body and is now in my arms. I felt strangely alien. Did this child really come out of me?

Twelve is a big deal. It is still a little girl, but very grown up. My mind is blown that it's been 12 years since I got that phone call. Twelve years since my entire world has changed so completely.

Every day for 12 years I have been stunned by Bethany's beauty and strength. I have been stunned by my ability to love another human being so very much.

By her next birthday, Bethany will be taller than me. She showers without being told and does her own hair. She has strong opinions about everything from fashion to food and everything in between. When she is sick, I am no longer consumed by nurse duties. She goes in the kitchen and makes her own soup or cup of tea. Perhaps being the oldest has played a role in making her grow up fast, but that is tempered with her natural inclination to do things herself - which was made evident very soon after her birth. As an infant, Bethany wanted only to be left alone when she was tired. She did not require rocking and lullabies to get to sleep, she required being put down.

My little red headed princess is comfortably nestled in the middle school years, with high school no longer a far off thought but just a blink of an eye away. For her birthday she wanted highlights, and after YEARS of her asking (and askingandaskingandasking), I finally gave in. I had to face the facts that by her age I had ruined my hair with Sun-In. I didn't want the same fate for her, so I took her to the salon and had it done right. Here she is, so grown up and beautiful, yet still the same silly kid she's always been. That's a Dum Dum in her mouth, by the way.

Bethany is a doer, a girl with a plan. At the salon, she whipped out her phone and had pictures ready to show the stylist just how she wanted her hair. She has had her first day of school outfit picked out for a week, and school doesn't start for another week. She makes lists and has so many ideas. She figures things out.

My baby girl is 12. I can't believe it.

Good Night, Sleep Tight

I was caught off guard.

Exactly when and how it happened, I'm not sure. It was while I was busy taxiing and soothing, fixing endless snacks and hoarding sleep by the minute. In the midst of the chaos of the past few months (which is really no different than any other period of our lives), Bethany and Connor started putting themselves to bed. Before that, I always, always, went in each of their rooms and "tucked them in" every single night. And then one night they stopped asking. I was probably busy, and they told me they were going up to bed and said good night. We always said our good nights upstairs, in, their bedrooms, but I figured it was a one time thing. They saw that I was in the middle of something and decided not to make a big deal out of it. I was probably grateful, because, to be honest, there were times when I was slightly peeved to stop what I was doing to do our nightly tuck in routine. By bedtime I am so tired, and still have much to do before I can call it a night.

But then it continued, night after night. My evenings got a little easier and I was mostly relieved. I don't really know why or how it happened, if they got together and discussed it and decided they are now old enough to go to bed on their own. There have even been a few times when one of them will go up to bed and forget to find me to say good night first. And then I go to them, because okay, fine, they can put themselves to bed. But not without a "good night" and an "I love you" and even a "sweet dreams." Also, preferably, not without a hug and a kiss. That's how I want our nights to end, no matter how grown up they get.

When you have little kids, it's hard to imagine a moment like this ever happening. It's hard to imagine freedom and independence. And then when it happens, it's sort of anti-climatic. I feel a little like I'm waving my arms and saying, "No, no, no! I'm not ready for this yet!" What stops me from totally losing it, for now, is that I do still have little kids too, so my tucking in days are far from over.

It's kind of like I have two sets of kids: Bethany & Connor, and Lucy & Mattie. Bethany and Connor are growing up. In some ways it's nice, but in some ways I don't like it. The time has gone by SO FAST. Too fast. They each only have about an inch or two to grow before they catch up with me, and then it will be little more than a hot minute before they pass me right up on the growth chart. I have to say, it makes me feel a little sick. Even though I have two more to go, I know the time will fly with them as well. Pretty soon my kids will barely need me. That's a scary thought, and also a liberating thought. Who am I if I'm not on mom duty 24/7, if I'm not consistently needed around the clock?

This is a milestone school year for us. When it's over, our youngest will be leaving preschool, and our son will be leaving elementary school. I'm pressing on the brakes as hard as I can, but the gears are spinning out of control.

The New York Dream

I have lots of dreams, and by dreams I mean life ambitions and goals. Most of them are pretty vague, which makes realizing them kind of complicated in a way I can't quite put my finger on. I have, for example, dreamed of going to New York City in this foggy unclear way since I was a tween girl reading Sassy magazine. Probably before that. Don't Judy Blume books take place in New York?

New York City is a little over 600 miles from Detroit, yet somehow it felt like I would never get there. I have been to places much further, but New York seemed somehow unattainable. Maybe because all of my dreams seemed similarly unattainable, because they are vague ideas. Yet I've continued to daydream and keep my aspirations in a safe little pocket in the back of my mind.

What I'm learning, and it's really not all that easy for a bunch of reasons, is to remain positive and hopeful, and to grab onto opportunity while I can. I wish I would have started learning this life lesson a really long time ago, but I am grateful to be learning it at all. A lot of people, a whole lot of people, never do get around to it.

Back in June, a couple old friends from high school, whom I hadn't seen in many years, happened to be in Detroit the same weekend - one from Texas, one from New York. Somehow the stars aligned for us to get together one night, along with my friend Shelly, who, like me, still lives in Michigan. We started talking about visiting Texas and how fun it would be. And then we made tentative plans to get together again a couple days later, before the two of them headed home, in opposite directions. Turns out I couldn't make the second get together, and I half jokingly texted my New York friend, saying I would just have to come and see him in New York instead. He replied, telling me that Shelly was going to be visiting NYC soon. I texted Shelly and asked her when she was going. She told me the dates and said, "You should come too."

Immediate response: dismissal. I couldn't possibly go to New York. Right? I have four kids, and money is tight (isn't it always?). And I had that whole personal crisis I talked about in this post. But here it was, this dream of mine, suddenly a whole lot less vague. Now I had a friend to go with me, a place to stay for free, an actual date. Here's something to know about your dreams. Hang on to them, and when the time is right, take a step toward making them real. One step turns into another, and that leads into another. Talk about them. Say it out loud, "I could do this." Admit to others that you're thinking about it. Ask for help. I talked to my mom and my mother-in-law to see if they could help with the kids, since Chris would be working while I was gone. Lo and behold, they said yes. One step closer. I thought some more and realized that, obviously, traveling alone costs considerably less than traveling with four kids. And that there is quite a bit to do in NYC that doesn't require spending much money. That vague, very old dream of mine was no longer blurry. It was coming into focus. Shelly started telling me about her friend's apartment, where we'd be staying, and things she thought I would like to do in New York. I started figuring out just how much this venture would cost. Things were getting specific. My dream was becoming a reality.

The universe wants to help us realize our dreams. That might sound new age-y and hokey, but I believe it. It's not magic. We have to do the work. We have to take the first step, the leap of faith. We have to keep moving, and looking for signs. We have to accept help that can make our dreams come true, and to recognize and seize opportunities. We have to believe.

I am not one to study the Bible, but this verse from Matthew 7:7 illustrates my point perfectly:

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

This is how the world works.

Often, I am so wrapped up in the mundane day to day stuff that I don't have the energy to focus on anything else. But when I do, it is more than worthwhile. How surreal it is to look back at last weekend and let it soak in that it really happened. I really did do all those things and see all those things. I read the signs and acted on the opportunities I was given, and I took a leap. Maybe it wasn't the best time to spend the money (when is it ever a good time?), but I know I will never regret that trip. I got to be just me, hanging out with my friends and sight seeing and shopping. I got to refresh. I got to do something I've always wanted to do. I know millions of people visit New York every year, and that it's not necessarily a remarkable thing. But for me, it was.

Brief NYC Recap

This post can now be found at MichiGal Travels. Just click the link below to read it now!

MichiGal Travels

Flashback: Fun in Midland, Michigan

 This post was originally published last year, and references a trip we took in 2010. Look how little my munchkins are! Midland makes a great getaway from the Metro Detroit area, we've even done it as a day trip.

Chris's aunt and uncle live in Midland, aptly named as it sits in the middle of the state. Midland is known as the home of the world headquarters of Dow Chemical. But to our family it is known as where Aunt Nicki and Uncle Bob live. A couple years ago, we decided to be tourists in Midland while we were in town for a visit. We had such a great time, and I hope we get to do it again soon!

Lucy and Mattie at the Midland Tridge

There is a great park within walking distance of downtown, with a splash pad, a playground, and the very unique Tridge (triple + bridge = Tridge). Although I love the picture above, it doesn't really do the Tridge justice. It is really big, and connects paths of separate areas of the park. A lot of people ride their bikes. We packed a picnic lunch and had a beautiful day.

Cousins on the Tridge

Bethany cooling off at the splash pad

Lucy

We walked around downtown Midland. There are flowers everywhere in Midland, along the side of the road and in front of the shops and restaurants. At the time there was a turtle themed auction going on, so we saw all kinds of turtles too.

See that turtle, hidden among the gorgeous flowers?

Even the courthouse is pretty

We also visited the Midland Center for the Arts. They had a Lego exhibit going on then, but there are always fun, hands-on exhibits for kids. Sometimes they have shows too. Check out their website HERE for more information. This summer it looks like they're having a Bob the Builder Exhibit...sounds like fun!

Mattie and the giant Legos! Back then we couldn't keep shoes ON her, now we can't get them OFF of her!

Lego Mt. Rushmore...this summer I'll get a picture of them in front of the real thing!

Lego peace sign...notice Lucy is really trying to hold up her fingers in a peace sign! Also, I think I want to be a pro Lego builder! That has to be the best job ever!

Have you ever been to Midland, Michigan? If not, it's definitely worth a visit!