The Fine Line Between Encouraging and Pressuring

I've said it before and I'll keep saying it from now until forever. This parenting business ain't easy. Choosing the right path is not always as simple and clear cut as one might assume. Making the correct choice is not always automatic and instinctive. Furthermore, what seems right today might seem very wrong later on.

It's one of those things nobody told me ahead of time about being a mom. That I would spend so much time agonizing and stressing and debating and trying so hard to choose right. That my stomach would ache with the uncertainty of my choices and the painful regret of my mistakes.

What's too much, and what's too little? Is she ready? Will this benefit or hurt him? Are we doing anything right?

One thing I've struggled with is knowing when I've crossed the line from encouraging my children to pressuring my children. The two are so similar, it's true. Yet encouragement has a tone of positivity and pride, while pressuring can easily develop a tone of negativity, doubt, and disappointment. Encouragement can have wondrous results. Undue pressure can backfire and have disastrous results. Without the proper balance, "I know you can do this" can turn into "If you don't do this, you'll let me down."

There have been times when I've had to resort to cajoling and heavy duty encouraging, bordering or even overlapping with pressuring. Using my instincts as my tentative guide, I try to gauge. Is it time to stop, or can I push harder? Will a few tears now reap a worthwhile reward later? Sometimes my instincts suck, sometimes I just don't know, and sometimes it all comes together, beautifully and harmoniously.

Those successes are what I think of, when I'm working on convincing myself that it's okay to push harder. They're what I'm thinking of when I see frustration creeping in. Because sometimes my job is to push my kids out of their comfort zones. And we all know how uncomfortable and scary that can be. But there are times when I can see a bigger picture that lack of experience and perspective is preventing them from seeing. That bigger picture is what keeps me going and gives me confidence that I'm headed in the right direction. It's not a guarantee, there are no guarantees, but it is a guide post, and that's something.