Bethany is now officially done with elementary school. I remember, growing up, that feeling of the end of an era. It came every time I moved, at the end of 5th grade, at the end of middle school, at high school graduation. Promises are made. Hopes hang in the balance. Nothing will ever be the same again.
We'll keep in touch. We'll always be friends.
This is not my life.
Bethany is excited, but sad too. She cried at the 5th grade award ceremony. She cried on the last day of school. For months she's been ecstatic about leaving elementary school and moving onto middle school, anxious to grow up as she always has been. And then I guess it hit her: that knowledge that this phase of her life is over. That she won't be in this building anymore that has become so comfortable. That she will no longer know all the teachers and most of the kids. That she might not even have classes with some of her friends.
This is not my life.
Bethany has a lifetime of new beginnings ahead of her. She's just learning that new beginnings, while exciting, are usually bittersweet as well. Change is a good thing, and, of course, necessary. Kids need to learn adaptability. They need to be able to make new friends. They need to learn, again and again, how to make the uncomfortable tolerable at first, and then, eventually, comfortable.
This is not my life.
The thing is, I like Bethany's friends. I know their parents. I'm in the comfort zone, and I like being here. I know something right now that Bethany doesn't really get yet. Soon some of her friends won't be her friends anymore. They will drift apart. They will have different classes and meet new friends. Middle school will simply not be the same. It can't be the same, it shouldn't be the same, but a part of me wants very much for it to be the same. I just want to grab onto the edge of that cliff and hang on for dear life.
This is not my life.
Nowadays kids have tools that I didn't have as a kid. They have email and cell phones and texting and Facebook (we're still holding out on that one...). There will still be drifting apart and new friendships, not to mention middle school drama, but it's easier for them to stay connected. That gives me hope.
This is not my life.
Change is exciting and fun, and I feel that for Bethany. But I also feel a little sad. My first born is done with elementary school. I'd say it's been a success. She is congenial and outgoing and has more friends than I can keep track of. She is independent and full of ideas. She's creative and she works hard. I don't think that middle school is ever easy, but I do think that Bethany will love it. I just wish I could take away the painful part of this transition, although I know it wouldn't be as much of a beneficial learning experience without the inherent pain.
I'm holding in my tears, because this is Bethany's life. She is going to be just fine. More than fine, in fact. And so am I. After all, I get to live this vicariously three more times...
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