Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I'm Dreaming of Gay Paris

When Chris and I were away this past weekend, I spoke a dream of mine aloud. Now, I think it's safe to say that Chris has always sort of vaguely known about this dream, but I made it specific and it feels a lot more real now.

I want to go to Paris for my 40th birthday.

I have always wanted to go to Paris. This is nothing new. My whole life I just assumed I would go there at some point. Weird? What I now realize is that I'm not going to simply be teleported to Paris in my sleep one night, and wake up next to a queue of tourists in line for the Louvre. Not that I ever literally thought that would happen. But...I never thought it through very much at all. Someday I will go to Paris. When is someday? Last weekend I decided that someday is my 40th birthday, which will be in the year 2015.

Being a parent is a wondrous thing. I wouldn't trade one second of mommyhood for anything in the world, even Paris. But it's loud. Physically loud and also mentally loud. There's not much room in my mind for thinking about me. Sometimes I can squeeze in some minor, rather inconsequential thoughts. Like, it's time to schedule a not so fun doctor appointment, or it would be fun to go out with the girls this weekend. But the big thoughts...dreams and goals and stuff like that...well, I usually can't remember to think them, I'm too distracted to think them, I'm too tired to think them, and I'm too busy thinking about...who has dance what night?, what day can I get to basketball registration?, I should have already ordered Lucy's birthday presents, what am I going to buy at the grocery store for school lunches this week?, Connor seemed a little nerved up at bedtime about starting 4th grade, are Bethany and her friend going to make it to school on time if they walk?, does Mathilda need to go back to the doctor?, can we fit in a family vacation during Christmas break? (small sample of what is competing for my attention and brain space at this very moment.)

Getting away with just Chris gave my brain a little break. Not that the kids weren't still on my mind, because of course they always are. But I wasn't being barraged with a multitude of demands that must be met right this very second. It was quieter. I could breathe and think at a more leisurely pace. And so when we were driving someplace at some point during the weekend, I said it. I want to go to Paris for my 40th birthday. And Chris said...okay, let's do it.

Chris put it as a Facebook status: we decided that we're going to Paris for Alysia's 40th birthday (something like that). We mentioned it to the kids. Lucy said, "don't forget to take a picture of the Eiffel Tower." As if that would ever happen. Chris started looking up some prices to get an idea of how much we'll need to save. He's excited about it which is making me more excited about it. I've been researching Rosetta Stone so I can brush up on my French. My random, vague little dream is turning into something real.

Time away from my kids was the key ingredient for me. Having a little mental quietude is sometimes vital in turning a dream into a reality.  Figure out what the dream is. Say it out loud. Be specific. Write it down. Share it. Tell your parents, tell your kids. Make plans. Do research. Move forward. Dream big. Make it happen.

I'm going to Paris for my 40th birthday.

And I can't wait to tell you all about it.

No comments: